I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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