this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
