Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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