how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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