Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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