Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we're making bets on your personal life
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
