an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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