**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
