Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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