You just made me feel so damn special
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
