"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
