Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize