So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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