We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
