hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
