Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
