You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
