His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sober January is a disaster.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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