I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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