Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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