batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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