I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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