please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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