bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dicks are not precious.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
