and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
