I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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