U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
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just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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