I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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