i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
