We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
