best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What a dumb baby whore.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
