just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
