I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
