Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
