I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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