So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
