the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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