i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize