Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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