Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
