only if we run a train.
done.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
