so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
