i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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