very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
