Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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