your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
