I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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