i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
