shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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