Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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