was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Let's get the cat blown out
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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