Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish I only lived at night.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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