I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
