did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
