I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Semen is not good for contacts.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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