I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
