Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
