speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
