Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
