Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
