Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
