why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
