ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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