glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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