o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
