I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
