Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
honey bunches of taint.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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