you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
