Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
please come you make the beer taste better
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
